Some BLOGGING thoughts and more of my FLIGHT TRIP with my two year old daughter!!

So I have been dormant for about a month not been writing here,so much for my consistent blogging!!! Although I have to say I had other things to consider such as accounting to my other responsibilities of being a stay at home mom and staying consistent with those. For more on my struggles of stay at home mom you can read my previous blog 'The struggles of a stay at home mom - Its not easy for me!'

Blogging
As per blogging, I have my moments of guilt when I haven't blogged for awhile, especially the times I have wanted too and can't . Nevertheless I talk aloud in my head to compensate for the times I don't blog. Writing has given me a voice when I feel at times I don't have one. Sometimes however strong my opinions are on a matter I can be easily convinced otherwise. Sometimes this frustrates me because later on I feel my opinions are always overlooked but in someways you can see this is my own doing. So yes I prefer writing, I don't feel my opinions being revoked. More so I find in blogging, people do put in their opinions but at least mine hasn't been overlooked. Now I didn't want to be writing about blogging but I did it miss doing these past few weeks.


Flight trip
Now the other reason I haven't done much writing is that I was planning my holiday trip to California with just my little TWO YEAR OLD and ME!! We were making our first trip to visit to Porterville, CA to see my folks and as for me I was dreading the 10 hour plane journey. I know I shouldn't have been nervous since I did take a flight with her from India to London when she was about a year old. That flight was a smooth journey since she slept all the way until the last one hour when we had to land and she refused to be seat-belted on my lap. We kicked up such a fuss and everything I tried to do to pacify her backfired on me. I felt so futile and cringed while others stared at me - giving me that look that oh my god she can't take care of her own kid!! That one hour was the longest hour than the total 8 hours we were on the flight. So this time I was just expecting the worst but I have to say the flight to California went off to a great start and realised I was unnecessarily fretting. On the flight, she had her own chair and we brought along Mickey Mouse and her little baby doll. We played a lot of pretend games till she was exhausted and went to sleep till we landed. Not once did she want to come out of her seat or cry, she also ate well and since we had woken up early to catch the flight we were bit tired but being overexcited about being in a plane we took our time. We slept a good 5 hours on the flight and although while landing she was little perturbed, I told her we were going down a bumpy slide weeeee.....she clutched on my hand but not a fuss. As for me I was glad everything turned out well and now i only need to fret about the long flight back but for now I will take comfort in that this one went so well. I was very proud of my little girl and hopefully the flight back would be as good as this.

The struggles of a stay at home mom - Its not easy for me!

Most mothers I have read find it much easier being a stay at home mom. For me not so much, I struggle day in and day out with this - I am much more organized and happy when I am working. For the past few days I have been trying to gather why its such a battle for me living at home.  And these are the notions I get:

• I feel lonely, depressed and restless
• I have no control over my life and that makes me feel really uneasy about my future.

I know what I lack is some organization but staying at home is not easy without any structure. And although I come up with schedules and plans, they work out for a while and then I am back to square one and feeling much more like a failure than I did before. And this cycle keeps repeating itself. So  in this quest of finding out why the stay at home mom doesn't work for me or my behavior towards it - I look at my younger years to see what home actually meant to me.

The Younger Years

When I was young, home definitely meant that it was a place for me to be as lazy as possible. For most of the time in a year I was at boarding school where there were classes held on Saturday as well. We had holidays about every two and half months in a year where I went home. I had no ground rules laid out for me, no chores whatsoever - I did what I wanted to do, I could sleep in almost everyday  and no strategy of how my holidays were spent. Mostly from my recollection, I would be quite bored and couldn't wait till I got back to school. But I think this is what set precedence in my mind that home was a place where I do nothing. I am not saying this is an excuse but its my perception on my behavior mindset why I am so hopeless when I stay at home. I bound to incline myself to laziness.

The Change

So my first inclination to be a better stay at home mom is to change my mindset. I need to believe that I am doing this for myself. For the past few years, I have made myself believe that any change positive I do is for my husband, my family etc but I believe if I am going to make any progress it has to be for me alone.

 One to schedule my normal activities and not bombard it with everything possible that needs to be done. Take baby steps, add in one responsibility into the normal activity and master it. Only then add another one. Reminder is to never over schedule because if I can't achieve I always end up feeling like I failed.

Two be consistent, I believe I am bound to slip and fall but to keep consistent in the framework of the general schedule. I need to get a stage where when I get depressed I don't let everything fall into pieces. I always self-encourage the small steps.

Three -My husband always reminds me that a lot is riding on me as a parent. My young one is going to look up to me and see how I am going to do things. I definitely can't while my time away sitting around doing nothing while the house descends to shambles. I want her growing up to be productive and hard working - definitely not lazy!


The Outcome

For the past few weeks, I am honing on these changes of my mindset to keep on reminding me that the positives are going to outweigh the negatives. It keeps me to having a happy husband, happy family and most of all a happier me!!

Two years ! How swiftly the years pass by when you have children!

Just like that, two years have passed by, two years of bringing up little one, two years of not going to work at all, two years of stay at home mom - The two years have definitely passed away quickly - just like a blink of an eye. Now my little one is grown and I am not ready for her to grow up any more - I know she is still tiny and she is still my baby but sometimes as a year passes me by - I just want to hold her and let her be young. I have understood that these few years before she turns into a teenager and then an adult, I believe she is mine and I am hers. Soon when she grows up she will have her friends and slowly they might become the center of her world while we fade away a bit.

 For now I treasure some of these moments: both the good and the bad...

• I remember the day she was born and they brought her to me and she opened her big brown dark eyes and looked at me - and for that instance it seems like time just stopped still and I felt that a bright radiance just filled the room and surrounded us and to me it seemed magical. She was magical for me.
• I remember  the tireless nights I woke up to her cries and couldn't soothe her until I put on the Disney mickey mouse cartoon just to wake her up so I could calm her down. 
• I remember when she was still a baby during the day she would wiggle her hands and legs in rotation for about two hours until she got exhausted and fell asleep for another two hours, woke up again and did this - we call her rotations - her exercise.
• I remember our trip to India on the flight, I had my aunt with  me so all was fine, it was coming back with just me and her, and she continuously cried for that last one hour in high pitch before landing. Nothing I did pacified her and as everybody looked at me - I just wanted to disappear into my seat.
• I remember in India, she was curious about all the noises. Usually here in London, it  only me and her  spending  the day together mostly but in India there were tons of relatives and family members and I was so she acclimated herself quite socially with others.
• I remember all the times she went from one stage to another until she could walk - she was always persistent to get to the next stage. I think even though she had started walking, for awhile she preferred the crawl, only because she was faster at it.

And for the now

• One of her first words were daddy and not mummy but when she finally did say mummy - it was the cutest thing - even cuter than the way she said daddy. Now we converse - mummy - blah blah blah but mummy....and so on we go...
• She understands much more - she give hugs and kisses, she listens to instruction and she loves getting kudos. She give mummy the general hug and pat on her back for her not to worry!
• She understands what it means to be hurt  and if mummy and daddy don't know about it - she makes sure we sympathize with her, she points out where she got hurt and how.
• She still wants to get her way and has a small tantrum routine which is ignored by mummy and daddy and as parents we are happy its not much as before but its still there.
• She gets easily frustrated - she can't understand why her teddy or mickey can't sit on one of her building block. 
• She hates getting messy with food and is such a fussy eater -  rice and lentils are the only healthy thing she eats - of course I mash the veges and add it to the lentils - she has no idea! She loves chocolate and ice cream.
• She loves the Ipad we have - she thinks its hers - she perfects her gangnam style moves by observing the PSY on youtube.
• She knows her please and thank you's!

Oh golly! There is much much more - but for now these should suffice - since that's how much my memory can stretch of the last two years right now - I am sure I'll come up with more later....

Trying to follow a LOW CARB, HIGH PROTEIN DIET - are we doing it right?

Honey Mustard Chicken and  Baked Parsnips

Stuffed Bell Peppers with Red Cabbage Salad

So this happens occasionally in our household- every few months - we go dieting - so far we have tried the Dukan diet and the exante diet. Now we are in for the LOW CARB, HIGH PROTEIN diet, I am not sure if I am doing it right. I am first of all 'A not so good cook' and to try on recipes with healthy dieting, I surely come up short. But here is what I have made so far the past two weeks, I have made some effort in this so I thought I would share it along and these are the successful ones so far. Now my resources for some of these recipes are from Pinterest and of course some are just me dabbling in some food experiment and if it comes out tasty - I  do a whoppdeedoo dance in my mind!!! The judge always happens to be my husband and I am telling you I have had some bad experiments as well and hubby  truly gets unhappy about those. Now most of the food I posted I think qualify as Low Carb, High Protein diet - from my knowledge yesterday - we learnt that parsnips a little more higher on the carbs as a vegetable - but I know at times I am going to get it wrong but I am trying so it +1 for effort.

Chicken Cutlets with Spinach Salad

Sweet Chilli Mince Beef with Lettuce

Now why do we do this dieting - mostly my hubby's idea and I just join along  - he finds that he has put on some weight and wants to be healthy - i suppose same reason as every one out there who goes dieting. Also we being Indians - we loving eating our rice and curry every day. That happens to be lot of carb going in - and it extensively shows because we both happen to have stout little bellies. I usually do it yes one for healthy reasons and its something both my hubby and me are doing it together - it gives me a happy feeling.

So for you readers you can let me know which food plate is your favorite and if you are looking forward for the recipes too- let me know that as well!

Now for my HEARING and a bit MYSELF story...please read on....

My new hearing aids

So I have learnt waiting later in the day is harder to write, I have been mulling over ideas on what to write about today and I know what I want to write about  but I still have left it for later in the day like I usually do with things that needs to get done. So through out the day  they are constantly hover around my mind - ' You haven't done it yet' - Now is your chance go for it. So now its 10 am in the night and here I am finally gotten myself to blogging and for you to know that topic that is been mulling in head.

Teenage years
Okay here I go - I learnt about this during my teenage years that I was partially deaf - there was a preliminary test done when I moved  from India to start high school in the US. Before then I had no idea, my speech was fine and I didn't feel any different in the sense that I was like every normal child there going to school or I mean I didn't feel that I was lacking in my hearing sense. But that summer when I moved to my aunt's place in Los Angeles, I was given the very back bedroom which was fine with me, I was feeling quite different moving to a new country, new  people - it was a bit too drastic for me. I still thought my hearing wasn't bad because I could still converse with  people but overtime if I look back now, I did hold myself back, more so I thought because I was shy and reticent. I lived in a family where everyone was highly educated and the talking smart critically about worldly events was the norm. I struggled fitting into this I just felt I was the dumber of the lot and more shied away from verbose intellectual conversations. I don't know if it was this or whether I really couldn't hear that made me back off socially - it could have been both.

The Marriage
During the year I got married my father was adamant to get me hearing aids. We were in India and as I know with my dad he always buys the most costliest one and although I tried to deter him - he still bought me the priciest hearing aids possible. But my first experience wearing them, they were very loud and especially in India with the traffic - the horns are blown every few minutes, - it was taking a toll on my ears. But just being in India and with a whole new group of my family - I felt like I was back home and I was back conversing as I usually did.

Another new destination
Then after marriage my new destination - London. I think I was here for a year and it was one miserable year because it took me a year to get a job here. And being by myself in that one year - I became under confident, I hardly wore my hearing aids - I was with myself - I didn't need it to converse with and I believe my whole attitude changed towards it. I wanted to feel normal, I was normal, I could hear per say, I didn't need the hearing aids.  I would wear them only when my husband was around because he hated repeating things to me. Over time I wore them occasionally, until they broke just about few months back .Slowly I realized that my hearing had gotten a bit worse, this being when I tried participating in conversations, I was talking about something so off the topic that my friends were speaking about and I was most naturally embarrassed by this.

Here I am now
I got my new hearing aids - thanks to the NHS just a few days ago and I think having them now I feel a resurgence of new energy that I can confidently converse again. I believe overtime that my environment and my attitude shaped my perspective about my HEARING. I decided to let it go and be okay that I have a sense of disability - and its not so bad after all - its okay not to be NORMAL.

Making a push in the WRITE direction, LOOKING for advice, tips and ideas to BLOG from fellow bloggers and writers!!

So I have turned a year older just yesterday, I
don't look forward to birthdays anymore - it reminds me I am growing old. I am not one of those who think ooh...yes older and wiser...is doing me good. I want to wish my slim figure back with the propensity to eat anything I want and still remain slim. Now I need to watch that weight which sides are they appearing on - for a long time - till I turned 30 I could pass off as a teenager - now  I actually look older - I feel older -and I am yet ambivalent on whether I am comfortable with the older look. And yes with age comes maturity and responsibility which I lack immensely - everyone has taken care of me - and now I know that I need to push myself to do the same for others and yes for me, myself as well. Unfortunately I am so lackadaisical about the whole thing and I think that worries me. So I am going to start with a little push -I am going to blog every day of this month - I am a little late for this month but its still the first week. There is no harm by starting now, this push is on the writing aspect of things I want to get done to be a better writer. There are other things I would like to push myself to do but I guess I will surely blog about them later for now I will stick to writing.

This for the Readers

So for those of you who stop by and read this post - let me know where I need to grow. I am talking to those mommy's like me who have blogs or for those who have  accomplished blogs to give me some advice - let me know how you came about starting your blog and what you have learnt along the way. I am a beginner and I want to learn!! I do read a lot on blogging and writing  and sometimes there is such a flood of information that I  sometimes feel I get a brain drained and confused.Its then I take a break. Do you writers and bloggers ever feel like that?

Ideas for Blog Writing

How many of you bloggers struggle with getting ideas to write on your blogs? I do. I was given advice to have a little book and pen and write down everything possible that popped in my head. But needless to say I have a two year toddler who is going through a phase of creative artwork on walls and papers - so every time I have my book out - there she is at my side - whining to give her my pen and book. So for now, I have the pen and book put away because I hardly can pop in that idea of mine in the book with a whining toddler. And I do lose a few ideas here and there but I am also looking for other bloggers to help me come up with ideas...maybe we can write about a topic...and read each others..what one has to say and have a discussion of sorts.

I do want to blog socially and learn about whatever there is on writing and blogging. I am hoping for anyone who comes by to journey it with me - whether you are new or a proficient blogger. I am looking for advice and growth and hopefully as I travel into this writing world I will be able to give back what I have journeyed along to others.

Have you had your child's haircut? The horrendous haircut that scarred my daughter !!

The start of the hair story!

my baby girl's hair at 8 months

When I had my baby girl, she was born with quite a bit of hair on her head. By six months it was long enough to tie up little small ponytails. Yes it was a little fuss...but I would quickly put her in front of the TV...do her hair and that was it. Usually by another few hours it was a mess...with the hair covering her eyes...and still I didn't want her very first hairs cut off.  By nine months the hair grew near shoulders with small curls at the end and I absolutely loved them but doing the hair was becoming a more surmountable task.

The aunt who loves cutting  hair!
It was around this time my aunt-in-law from India made her first visit to London to stay with us. I was a bit nervous because she happens to be very career oriented and savvy interior designer in Chennai. I was relieved to find out that when she is on holiday she tends to take a step back and have fun. We loved having her over and as I have grown to know her more - I think she happens to be a closet hair stylist - I say this because every time she is here - she either wants to cut my hair or my daughter's. So while her first stay here, she was adamant that she cut my little girls hair so after a while I conceded. So as I kept my little girl busy, my aunt in law chopped of her hair and we realized she looked much cuter with her hair short.

The lady barber who scared my daughter!
 So from then on, every few months as they grew, I took my daughter to the lady's barber who does my husband's hair. My daughter sat on my lap and the lady cut her hair. So far first trip no problems and I was happy that I didn't have to bother about doing up her hair anymore. I think it happened to be her third visit to the barber when she was a bit petrified of her hair being cut in front and wasn't too happy about it falling on her face. So she started to cry when the lady went right to her face and in her polish accent militaristic voice loudly told my daughter  Shh...shh...shh..NO! NO! NO! .stop crying stop crying....now my daughter was even more petrified that she started balling away. More so I  haven't been a situation like this before I wasn't sure what to do, I tried to pacify my daughter but the lady kept on telling my daughter shh...shh...KEEP QUIET!! We were nearly done with her haircut and I just wanted to take my daughter home. After a few months I went back, hoping my daughter had forgotten about the event but she took one look at the lady and she refused to have her haircut. She pulled out such a tantrum that I had to take her home. We have tried cutting at home but the event for now had scarred her from anyone approaching a scissors through her hair.

Delving into some happy heartache memories of my younger years

It's well past bedtime, the windows are slightly ajar to let the cool air in and as I lie here I can hear the whoosh of the cars zoom by. It reminds me of happy times in another place in time when I was young in India. Every morning we woke up to noise, there was no such thing as double glazed windows to drown out sound. I usually woke up to cackling roosters or to the children reciting in loud voices the multiplication in Kannada. I would cringe and try to roll back to sleep because I was on holidays from boarding school. Reluctantly, I would wake up to face the day.
My parents both lived and practiced medicine in rural India. They had their own little hospital and with only two doctors on staff and a few nurses,their life was very busy. I usually strutted up by 9 year old self to the hospital once I was ready. Most often I would trudge up to the attic sort of accommodation for the nurses and hang with the off duty nurses. I always either irritated or teased them plenty and in turn they made me favorite food kanji -probably just to shut me up. When I got bored I would go back home and play with my toys or do some reading. I always knew to keep myself entertained being the only child around. I never went to summer camp or a play-date.If anything, my parents would send me to stay at some of the nurses home. Actually I was a lot bored and begged to go to nurses homes, only because they had TV. We didn't have one because my parents were morally against having TV at home. Most evenings I had dinner at 7 pm and was left with the nurses. My parents went for their 2 to 3 hour walk. When they returned it was bedtime. Yes, life was very simple and a bit banal in my perspective then.My parents didn't spend much time with me, it didn't bother me then. I just thought this was the norm. I always felt their love for me and that's what mattered to me. We were together that's what made me happy and cheerful as a child. I never asked for much and I treasured the times we spent together. But life always throws a curve ball just when things are happily nestled in. A year later, I was told I was adopted and another year later my parents divorced. For a long time I blamed myself, trying to fathom where I went wrong. I believed it was me they didn't want and thus separated. But now when I look back to those days, I believe they were my happiest because they were the only times we were together where I felt their love profusely and I loved them and I treasured the memories we made together.

Sweet n chilli pork belly - a quick dish made by novice cooker

 Who would have imagined that I would someday becoming a better cook? Not me surely and not my husband either - I am one of those who runs in the other direction if any topic associated with kitchen or cooking comes upon. I usually let the other people do the work, I even prefer to clean up then cook. Although I love browsing yummy recipes and fantasize of making them, I haven't made any effort in that direction. But for the past one year, being a stay at home mom, i finally made some initiative although not by choice. Being a stay at home mom, now I have the responsibility of making the dinner for my household. And so along the way I have picked my some culinary skills. I was initially looking on sites to make pork belly dishes but the recipes take far too long and most of the ingredients needed weren't in my pantry. I like to be in and out of my kitchen in an hour. So this dish is in an experimental one that came out stupendous and thus I thought the need to share it.
I had my cousin and his thai girlfriend staying with us for awhile, before they moved into a place of their own. I essentially watched and learnt from his thai girl friend how to make some nice Asian dishes, most of which  required some soy sauce (thick and thin), pepper, chilli powder, salt, honey,coriander, garlic and ginger and all those go in this dish. Now the utensil I used to cook my pork belly was the pressure cooker( usually used in most Indian household). 

So what goes into this pork belly dish.

2 chopped red onions
500 gms of pork belly (chopped in cubes)
1 cube of frozen garlic ( about 4 cloves of garlic)
1 cube of frozen ginger ( about 1 root ginger)
1 chicken stock cube
200 ml water

4 tablespoons of sugar or honey
1 tablespoon of hot pepper sauce( optional - we like things a bit fiery at home.)
1 tsp chilli powder
2 tsp of chilli oil(optional)
2 tablespoon thick soya sauce
1 tsp of pepper
1 tablespoon of cornstarch
salt to taste
few  pieces chopped coriander 

1. So in goes the chopped pork, thick soya sauce, sugar or honey and chilli oil into the pressure cooker.
Now to have the pork belly, soft and nice using the pressure cooker  - I would put the stove on high, wait for the first whistle which happens to be in about 5 mins or and then turn the heat to medium level so it can simmer in there for 10 to 15 mins. ( a tip i got  through pinterest  )
If you don't happen to have a pressure cooker, then cook the pork in tighly closed dish, cook on high for 5 mins and on medium for it to simmer for 20-25mins.
2. On another cooking dish, put in the chopped onions, garlic, ginger, chilli powder,pepper,salt,chicken stock cube and water. Let the water come to a boil and then simmer till the pork is ready.
3. Add in the pork belly from the pressure cooker to the cooking dish and let it simmer for 10 minutes.If the dish happens to be watery add in some cornstarch for thickening.
4.  Check to see if the chilli, sugar and salt taste are in sync and if you need it more spicy add some hot pepper sauce.
5. Add in some chopped coriander for garnish and Voila! the dish is done!

Sightseeing in Bath on a sunny hot day last weekend! How do you spend your sunny weekend in UK?

History always surprises me at times. Its absolutely amazing to be in a place where just 1000 years ago, the whole scene wouldn't have been quite different. We always trudge down to historic monuments when we have family come by from abroad. They want to see the touristy parts of UK and I entirely don't mind. I say I don't mind because my  husband doesn't happen to be a history buff and I am not the least either but I do so more than him. I do find history much more fascinating than he does.  Most of our folks when they come down here would most likely only see most of what is in London but occasionally we have some family members who are quite particular to see other parts of UK as well. Oxford and Bath happen to be not a long drive away and it does become the second fondest place we take them to. Recently my aunt arrived from India and was keen to see Bath. So just last weekend, we visited Bath. I have to say its my third time coming here. Among the several things we saw in Bath, I love coming to the Roman baths. I think the Romans too found the hot water springs most engaging that they set up to build the baths.

The monument and the architecture just of the left over building is quite beautiful and on a hot sunny day it was even more lovelier. We were advised not to touch the hot springs water, it happens to dangerous, but at the end of the tour we do get to taste some of it. They have guided tour sets for both adults and children. My 23 month old daughter absolutely loved holding on to it, it made her feel much like an adult. We observed the hot springs, the cold ones, the roman artifacts, listened to the history and dropped some coins for good luck. Later on we trekked onto see all the other touristy spots such as the Royal Crescent, Circus, Pulteney Bridge and the Jane Austen Center. We were not very clever on how we organized our walk trek. Although the Roman baths and Pulteney Bridge are closer, we walked up to Royal Crescent and  Circus after viewing the Roman baths and back down to see the Pulteney bridge and up again to the Jane Austen Center.We had an exhausting walk but breathtaking nevertheless. Next time we will make sure we a better walking plan for our excursion.

Do you worry about your health? I do !!! Taking control to work out my negligent health concerns.

Lately there have been a few things worrying me especially about my health. With trying to keep it all together I believe I don't look after myself well. And slowly the pieces are falling  and I am barely catching on it. I usually think the worst case scenario when it comes to my health but here goes to all the health dilemmas I am facing now which is slightly scaring me to the till.

The Hair Dilemma
I think this has been happening for quite sometime after my little one was born. I hardly noticed in the beginning but within the past few months - my husband has duly noting the fact that I am losing an amazing amount of hair - at the least I have been ignoring it every time he brings it up. But its gotten to a point that there seems to a small bald patch looming on my head. So finally  I have taken some control of the situation  I got myself to the GP and got some blood tests done and am anxiously waiting for the results.

The Hearing Dilemma
I never knew when I partially lost hearing but it first came to light only when I was sixteen but still I didn't need hearing aids. I could still hear enough to participate in conversations and I had got my first hearing aids only when I got married. The hearing thing has been a bit of a battle for me - more of self denial - the thought that I am not normal like everyone out there when I feel so normal  ( I do hear and it doesn't feel like I don't hear) upsets me. Lately now though my hearing has worsened and there has been some embarrassing situations - where I have heard it all wrong and spoken about something completely different from the conversation my friends are having.  I have taken another hearing test and my new hearing aids will likely arrive in few months but till then I am going to speak much less since I hear much less.

The Liver Dilemma???
This weekend we went over for family gathering and it seems to have been noted there are some patches of discoloration on my right cheeks - and to my dismay  they suppose it could be due to some live problem. Just hearing people scares the living out of me. I don't understand why people have the propensity to deduce health problem when they are not qualified. Now I have been occasionally touching my abdomen wondering if my liver is all right. Its another one that I need to take account on - hopefully my skin lesions on my right cheek has nothing to do with my liver.

The Rotten Tooth Dilemma
It was months when I went to the dentist for the nagging pain of my tooth and which has turned rotten. They gave me an account that to get it removed would cost me about £3000 pounds. I don't have that kind of money and was hoping I would get it done when I went to India. Perhaps there it wouldn't cost so much. But the nagging pain has disappeared and I have been keeping my rotten tooth so far but I duly need to do something about it. So far I have come across is that it might be cheaper with NHS and so I am eventually looking to get a nice white tooth there.

I always seem to undermine my health - hoping my body will take care of it and I will be fine. In some cases its good but I know when my body is telling me that it needs my help. I have been way too tired with just doing the minutest things and I finally need to take this under my control and that is what I am doing now.

How was your day today?

I have my good days, I have my semi-good-bad days and I have my bad days. It all depends on how I start my day and  my dysfunctional moods. Today is one of my semi -good- bad days. I would account this to that I feel some sense of brightness in my spirit - my writing is  is doing fine but everything else seems in chaos. So lets talk about the bad part of the day - getting up to rain and rain - I should be used to it by now that I have been living in London for the past 5 years but I have to say it still gets to me. Since my spirit is not so bad, I am not feeling the maximum brunt of it today but there are days I can just peek at the cloudy wet weather on my window and I just want to hover back under the covers and sleep and let the day pass me by. This never happens since I have a toddler who is awake and needs my attention.

 During the week, morning we get ready and I do the 30 minute walk to the children center where my toddler gets to play and socialize, the classes last about an hour and half and I trudge back the 30 minute (my  daily exercise)walk back home or take the long trek to do some groceries and back home. Absolutely exhausted, eat and put the little one in for a nap. Its Friday and I have allowed to give myself a break from all the walking and that means no class for the little one. Therefore this day accounts to boredom for my toddler, given that we have played half an hour of building blocks, half an hour of playing tea time and an hour of just dancing and prancing around the living room to some nursery rhymes and yet now there is nothing to do. Of course mommy here does have a horrendous hours of chores to do but she prefers to continue to dancing and not think of the 101 tasks.

The 101 tasks constitute to my feeling bad mood day- I think we mommy's have all been there. I got to clean, I got to iron, I got to vacuum, I got to cook dinner, I got to do laundry- I got to..I got to..I got to..- but I don't want to!!!!I have people over the weekend -yikes!!  I wish I knew earlier that being a mommy means - all home chores would ultimately come down to me - then I would have paid much more attention to my home science class. Its not the fact that I got to do them but its the guilt of procrastinating it because I absolutely abhor doing them. I have tried changing my perspective on how I think about chores - and this is far as I have got - they need to be done and I am happy and feel a sense of satisfaction when its all done!! So got get cracking!! I guiltily put on mickey mouse for the little one's entertainment promising myself I'll take her to the park when the weather gets better!

What motivates your writing?

I have been sitting here stuck trying to write, a blank page before me and a blank screen in my mind. I love to write and and want to write but the words usually don't come just when I am at my desk. And especially this frustrates me because otherwise all I do is think of ideas, and  ideas to write but then when I come down it I have nothing to show so I leave frustrated and say Ill start again another day and so goes a vicious cycle and no writing gets done. But today I have decided to sit and not give up. Close my eyes and just write, write whatever comes to mind and truly now I am getting somewhere.

So what truly motivates you to write? For me, its having a passion for writing, and the need to improve on my writing but I don't always have those days.  I am one of those who give up easily unless I force myself to. I have never been fond of my writing and so my quest is to build and work my writing. So it just happened one day while I was reading an article, I read that one of the keys to good writing is to emulate good writers and since my writing is mostly blogging, I googled in top ten bloggers of  2013. This is where I found Joe Bunting -  thewritepractice.com- something I really needed to practice my writing. I also found Jeff Goins -goinswriter.com/‎ -  his writing truly keeps me motivated. Its writers and feeling part of a community of writers where you writing can get constructive feedback like 'The Write Practice' that holds onto my motivation.

Do you daydream your writing? Just before I go to bed, its when my mind works the most and all ideas and words come through just like they are in sync with one another. These are the moments I think my best writing comes along.When I was back in high school , writing was a big chore and I usually left it to the last minute. And there was one day, when I went to bed, in the middle of the night I thought of my assigned essay topic and how to go about it and so I got up and wrote it out. It was the first draft and I didn't think much I was just happy it was done but when I did receive the results I was surprised that I had an A. Same went for my running a 5 K race, I used to plan out running the whole route in my mind in the night, the day before the race and the next day at the race I always improved on my time. So I have understood that mind can be an amazing tool and focusing on what I love truly motivates my results.

I don't know what motivates you, but  for me being part of community that motivates my passion, dreaming and showing up that it can really happen is what keeps me getting there.

Loving our local northwood library

Its taken me awhile to get my foot out that door to attend the local child classes in my community. For a long time I have been feeling a sense of apprehension of being an insecure new mother, being partially deaf and not facing all the judgement from other mothers. But I have finally got out, more like pushed myself out, my daughter has become a high energy  toddler and staying at home isn't an option.  She loves going out, her favorite words are shoes because it means we are out and about. This means to me that the needs of my daughter comes first and  I need to discard my fears and insecurity, its certainly not helping her.

So my first emphasis was getting to the weekly  story and rhyme sessions they had at our local library. The Northwood library is a small two story building where at the top level is more the quiet room with books for adults and college students and at the lower level they have a small area for the kids  with shelves of toddler, baby and self- help mommy books. Also they have colorful tables and animal chairs with paper and crayons for coloring.  What I love is that its usually full with kids of all ages and descent and makes me wonder why I was so afraid to attend, it seems so harmless and make me realize the insecurities were all in my head.

The classes are  usually held on Wednesday at 10am. In the kids area, the little tables and chairs have been pushed aside and a colorful cloth is put on the ground for all the toddlers to sit and also there is a box of rattles. The class is usually packed and we all sit around. There are two librarian who read the  books and nursery rhymes are very engaging. The first week I took my daughter she was literally shocked to see so many children and more so they knew all the rhymes she did. For the first few weeks, my daughter was in the stare and observe mode but since now we have been so often she has started participating in the rhymes which I am really glad. At the end of the rhyming session, they always have a creative making project which I absolutely love .My daughter might not be there yet to enjoy making them, but once we are done she loves it.Here are some of the projects we have done so far :

I think that is amazing that have these classes for babies and toddlers. I am happy that I am able to take her, it has also made me give in to absconding those fears of mine. My child is happy and I am happy. If you are like me, don't deter taking your child. For more information you can look at the local library website.

On a clearer note - Why I am blogging!

I have always wanted to blog. Its my medium to express my thoughts and feelings. You would think why not then have a diary it seems more reasonable but blogging has that capability of interaction with people from all over the world. Its being able to connect with people with similar likes and dislikes. I would have liked to have a group of gals I would like to gossip to but since being in London I haven't. Therefore its here I want to let my thoughts flow and relieve my frustrations. Although I am still a skeptic of how much personal information should I blog about, I don't want the whole world knowing my problems. And for problems now,I don't have many, life now has become more or less very mundane but on the course of my life, lot of things happened that have left me embittered. And as by writing I can set them free so I can no longer hold on to them.

Another reason I love writing, my writing I believe is not up to par but blogging helps me hone my writing skills. And practice only makes it better which delves me into my ulterior motive - maybe a part-time scope in freelance writing. But everything in life needs to be worked hard at and that's what I intend to do. I want to read a lot and write a lot. Being a stay-at-home mom doesn't make it easy, the needs of my little one come first but now that she has grown a bit and I have the time- this seems the like the best hobby possible.

Four Lessons I learnt as a first time parent

Being a first time parent its both exciting and nerve racking. But along the way I have learnt a few life lessons regarding parenting.

• One never burn bridges with your parents, relative or family members (especially if they live close by)because you  have no idea how much help they can when you are bringing up your own. I had my step-mom come all the way from the US to UK and stayed over for a month after my little one was born. I had an emergency Caesarean section and was unable to do anything except for breast feeding. My step-mom took over from doing the simplest things as cooking, doing our laundry and more so helping looking after my baby when I did need my rest. 

• Family is good but you also should know where to set your boundaries. They will have 101 suggestions on how to raise your kid. Take the advice but do what you know is best for your child. Don't let them overwhelm you, you might be a first time parent but you are not an idiot.

•  You are never always going to get it right. So don't depress yourself  over it. Having kids even if you are ready at your best - you will never be as ready because every child is different and come with their own set of characteristics. Sometimes harder the work or sometimes easier. For example: you might have a baby who sleeps well right from the gecko or  your baby can keep you up all night.

•  Don't forget to take the first aid classes for babies. There is lot of help provided. Attend  a mother's group , take your child to the local libraries for story time - it helps you and your baby socially. For a long time I was a recluse, I thought that people are going to judge me and look at me oddly. Don't let things like this get you down because I have realised we are all on the same boat starting of as a mommy.

Spring cleaning and organization-part 1

For a long time I have been trying to get organized  - my home! my life ! And its still certainly a mess.
I have come to point that I have dragged it long enough and I am tired of scapegoating. No organization is making me miserable!

I am sure everyone has one of these days that the chaos of unorganized life and home get to you, if you are like me, I suppose. 
My house is fairly tidy but I have a bad habit of cluttering corners. It happens when I have to quickly clean up the table or counter tops I put away all the stuff in a corner cupboard or draws. And this piles on - my husband calls it my very own coopai toothi - meaning my little dustbin! I believe I have one in every room now. Its the reason for spring cleaning.

Spring cleaning is daunting to me - mostly because I just don't know where to start. I begin a room, and I find more clutter and lot of things out of place, I get overwhelmed and frustrated and I give up!

I love an organized home, that there is a place for every little thing. Therefore I am going to appeal to my innerself to pull on and get this done. Pinterest has been my source of inspiration. I  found some wonderful sites that will help me forge on. I'll share them here :

http://amybayliss.com

http://www.modernparentsmessykids.com

http://delightfulorder.blogspot.co.uk

I have a long way to go!! Wish me good luck!!

Resolutions part 2

So the previous list is my feasible one, simple and not complicated,achievable. But I do say that I want to do alot more, maybe wont to do it all  this year..and if I do its just kudos to me.. Yeah!!!.but its no harm noting my over the top resolution list or maybe I can call the bucket list ... No pressure...So here it goes:

1. A marathon-most likely not going to happen this year but I'll start with the 5k and work myself upwards. ( Regret side note: I should have done this when I was in high school cross country runner. Now gotta start from the very beginning. Bag humbug!

2. Travel-hopefully some of Europe this year.

3. Learn lip reading and sign language. (I am partially deaf so I do need this if I completely lose my hearing.)

4.I want to learn a European language maybe French or Spanish.

5.Volunteer in my community,meet and help do some fun projects for a good cause.

6.Learn sewing -my hubby is getting me a sewing machine so that's a start.

7.I want to join a dance class and have fun.

8. I want to expand my family -one or two more kids and a family dog. Definitely not going to happen this year but hoping next year.

That's what I have got for now but  my bucket list is always an expanding one!!! So will update as I go along....now I just need to get started with the simple list!

2013 Here I Come

So here I am a two months too late for doing this new year resolutions..typical procrastinator...but here I go.....I am gonna keep this simple...nothing too complicated and over zealous.

1. Spring cleaning and getting house  and life organized.
2. Make some new mommy friends so my toddler baby has friends.
3. Exercise and lose some weight
4. Get a creative hobby
5. Keep blogging
6. Try some new recipes
7. Find a job

Okay this should do for now. It will keep me busy and get my act together.
miss reclusive mum